Elie’s Bizarre Baddies

Armless Tiger Man

Written By Elie Hajjar

In my last article, I shed light on some of the worst super heroes in the history of comic books. During the time I spent looking at these substandard heroes, I noticed that there are much shoddier characters out there than first assumed. I came across a list of some of the lamest, funniest and most offensive comic book villains to date. The list was so long that it seemed impossible to choose a few favourites from the vast array of bizarre characters. So, here’s a short, more condensed list of some of the strangest characters I think are worth a mention.

Floronic Man

Though he’s apparently a Batman villain, it wasn’t until looking into some of the weirdest characters out there that I actually came across him for the first time. Floronic Man is composed from a huge chunk of marijuana, along with a head of an old man of course. Literally, this guy is made from marijuana. His ability is to grow weed at will and sell it to Gotham’s residents. Batman went on to defeat and decapitates Floronic Man, and Gotham was drug free, from marijuana!

Floronic Man

He-She

Yep, that’s right, ‘He-She’. That man, sorry, no, girl… hmm. I guess the easiest way to put it is to say that He-She is a half man/half woman hybrid. The ‘she’ part of this character is used to seduce people through feminine charm, while the ‘he’ part then proceeds to kill them using nothing but old fashioned, manly strength. The whole strategy is reliant on being seen from the right angle and perspective. So, when seducing its victim, He-She must be seen from the feminine side of things and employ a tender voice, otherwise everything is ruined. (Like it wasn’t already…)

Armless Tiger-Man

This guy actually appeared within some of the same comics as Captain America. Armless Tiger-Man was a regular German guy, working in a factory when, like many other characters in the comic universe, an accident occurred resulting in the loss of both arms. Obviously, ATM went on to hate all machines, so as you probably thought, the Nazis shipped him to the United States in order to destroy their war factories. He succeeded in sabotaging at least one factory. But how did he manage it? By using his feet of course! Yes, he used his feet to destroy machines, and that’s why we don’t see him around anymore.

Eye Scream

Eye Scream

Or, you can say ‘Ice Cream’, an yes, you guessed it, his power ‘was’ that he could turn his body into an ice-cream like substance. Eye Scream could slip under any obstacle that got in his way, mainly doors, and to feed small children. I say ‘was’ because he only appeared in one comic. I bet this issue is worth millions now.

Condiment King

Again, a Batman villain. How on earth did a legend like Batman face a such a clown as the Condiment King? Well, I guess he has faced another clown for almost 80 years, but we all know this ‘other’ clown is of a different calibre. The ‘Condiment King’, this particular clown is among the lowest points of history in regards to the Dark Knight’s story. Seriously, what were DC thinking? Surprise surprise, the Condiment King’s main weapons were ketchup and mustard. He literally shoots ketchup and mustard from his guns. I can’t physically say anymore than that. Moving on.

Egg Fu

Egg Fu

This obscure character is known for being a Wonder Woman villain. Egg Fu is a giant Asian egg, sporting a twirly moustache that can strangle people, or in fact whip them, whichever. This giant egg also has egg relatives. The only way to defeat Egg Fu was by cracking his giant form in to pieces. Imagine how much hunger could be solved by his death.

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